25. Going nowhere fast. Totally a hoot. Always angry, always a feminist (not an angry feminist).
To put into perspective how much I hate my job, I almost jammed my finger before and my initial thought was, “too bad I didn’t break it. I could’ve gotten out of work today.”
Dear employers, I will have to take the day off today because:
☐ It’s December and the streets are papier-mached with wet bronze leaves and it’s so dark outside that the cars have their headlights on at 3pm
☐ I have recently been through a breakup, or I have been through a breakup at any time in my life really, and I woke up today with the absolute conviction that I will never be loved again
☐ A dog looked at me
☐ I got a text from someone for whom I feel a mix of concern and frustration and recognition and longing that is both more and less than romance
☐ Someone made a joke about dead pets meeting you in heaven
☐ Daylight savings time
☐ I passed a knot of flowers that were so bright they glowed through the dim grey water of the day and when was anything in my life last that luminous?
☐ Girls are too pretty
☐ For the first time I genuinely comprehend that there is not enough time to have all the lives I wanted
☐ I accidentally listened to Leonard Cohen
If you’re going to do anything creative for a living the hardest and the most important piece of advice you need to get is that you have to be doing it because you love doing it and you have to anticipate and become comfortable with the possibility of doing it in vain with no reward for your entire life. Picture a future where you have spent decades doing it in complete darkness and silence with no one responding to it and ask yourself whether to not when you get hit by a bus by the end of that you’re going to die thinking ‘I blew it’ or if you’re going to die thinking ‘at least I did what I loved’ and if the answer is the latter, keep doing it. It probably won’t happen to you because if you do feel that way the you probably will eventually find people that are looking for what you’re doing.
The second piece of advice is figure out what you love, figure out who you are and scream in your voice, from your rooftop and wait for people who want to hear you to find you. Don’t continually change who you are in an attempt to succeed in wrangling an audience. Just plant your feet and do what you want to do more than anything in the world because that’s what you’re going to be good at and that’s what people are going to want to watch you do.
I think as any artist, as anybody who makes any thing, even if you’re making chairs out of wood or walls out of brick your job is to leave this world with your impression of it. Your job is to remove the top of your head and push something onto the top of your brain that will leave an image of it on it so that when you go away there’s some record that this is how you perceived the world and specifically you. That’s your only job, that’s the hardest job, that’s the easiest job. Whether you’re a stand up, a writer, a carpenter, I really think you just have to be as honest and transparent about how you view the world as possible.
i had a crush on this guy and i decided to pull a Pavlov on him by offering him whenever i saw him this brand of candy he seemed to really like and after a while whenever he saw me he got excited for a second then you could see his expression shift to wondering the why the hell was he so happy to see me and i swear it was the evilest thing but also the most hilarious i made a guy like me by conditioning him into associating me to a candy he liked
Jodi Picoult, Second Glance (via simply-quotes)